So it's almost the end of the semester, I'm stressed, tired, and busy with school work and studying! But either way, God's pulling me through!
Talked with my Bible prof today, went pretty well, and it looks like I might ace his class! Yay! I have to go talk with my business law prof, because I totally bombed the last midterm :( But I am going to try harder!
So I've really embraced PCOS (kinda don't have another choice, it's the "thorn in my flesh", hee hee!), and I am definitely going to work on my health this summer when I'm less stressed (I definitely have more incentive for changing my lifestyle and diet now). And I've been thinking of doing videos (I was going to do Bible study ones, but I never seemed to have the time, I guess?) for PCOS support! Like tips on diet, exercise, products (natural and paraben free has become important).
As corny as it sounds, I really couldn't feel happier! I feel as if though God truly has strengthened me in this past year. I now understand that all of the things I had to go through, all the changes I experienced and observed were purposeful and for the best. I'm thankful that no physical harm was done (and I pray for those who are suffering), but He made me go through some tough times to toughen me up! He never gives us anything we can't handle, which is just so wonderful!
On Friday's youth vigil at church, the preacher said that when you want God to use you, it's not easy and is a very painful process. Something I couldn't agree more with. When I was fifteen, I went on this retreat where the turning point for me was when this girl started praying for me, and everything she said (in a prophetic voice) was true, and was exactly what I was going through. And I remember hearing those words were like feeling knives stabbing me, because it was just so painful and unexplainable. When God changes you, it truly hurts, but He does it to make us stronger. Looking back now, things started to get worse after that retreat in all areas of my life.
I was diagnosed with PCOS after dealing with health issues after four years of not knowing what was wrong with me. I began to learn which people to continue trusting as friends and who had lost my trust and respect. I went through so many other changes in these past five years, but those words I heard always rang loud in my ears. "I cry when you cry, I laugh with you", which made me realize that God was with me through all of it. I've discovered so many new things about life, about myself, about Him.
In the end, what we need to realize is that life truly is a journey. It's a journey about discovering the person God created us to be when we were conceived in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). He also made life complicated in order to not be boring! God bless you all!
Ugh, another SINUS INFECTION. This is going to be my third sinus infection this winter season. I really need to start taking vitamin supplements and working out again to get my immune system stronger. I'm hoping this will pass by me faster!
On the upside, I've been working hard in school to improve my grades. I'm finally at a place in my life where I feel genuinely happy. I still have issues to deal with, but God has shown me so many great and wonderful things and has introduced me to truly God-fearing people, that I have nothing to complain about. Things are wonderful at home, great relationship with my parents and my sister, and still learning about life. I honestly "couldn't be happier!" (a la Glinda, no less!), and thank God for always being there for me.
That said, I've really been contemplating doing something more productive with my YouTube channel, instead of just random stuff I have on there (www.youtube.com/theemmygomez, btw). I want to start posting some inspirational/motivational vids up there, because I know that like myself, there are plenty of people out there who are in dire need of uplifting, truthful and honest words to keep going. I've learned that it's the little things in life that really can make us or break us, but ultimately, the decision is ours. God gave us a spirit of authority over ourselves, but not many of us know how to exercise that power (others abuse that power, of course). We need to learn in Jesus how to be strong, independent, and confident.
So I hope to be able to upload some good stuff for y'all! God's placed the first message in my heart: humility. My first topic will be humility, something so dear to me. Of course, I want to wait out this nasty sinus infection so that my voice will be audible instead of hearing a nasaly Bible message! LOL well I will keep you informed! Till next time, Love Emmy!
So today is Valentine's Day. This year, I am twenty years old (dear God) and still pathetically single. But hey, it's okay, I'm learning to accept things the way they are. I'm learning how to value myself and to not put myself down all the time. Trust me, when you've been bullied all your life, it's really hard to do that.
I've come down to the conclusion that while I'm not the ideal girl, I'm also not a total loser. I have some cred to back me up, you know? To this day I'm still a good girl, drug free and get high/drunk naturally! (Yeah, I'm pretty weird sober). I graduated from high school on time, now I'm in college. I have my Christian testimony to uphold. I'm open minded, I'm $ savvy, and heck I'm studyin' business for crying out loud! I don't even curse!
Sure, I'm not the prettiest flower in the bunch. But that doesn't mean I'm a total wallflower. I'm also picky when it comes down to LIKING guys (personal issues, still working on my self esteem). But I know one thing: God made me beautiful!
He makes us all beautiful. He sees the best qualities in us, He loves us for who we are. It's taken me some time, healing, understanding to see that. I've struggled with self image all of my life, but thank God I didn't go to drastic measures, like some people do, to know I was in pain (don't worry, if you feel like hurting yourself to feel better, God still loves you and sees your pain. He's trying to tell you to stop!)
So I'm not the first, second, or third choice. I KNOW guys don't look at me like they do other girls. I NEVER get flowers on any day from any guy as a sweet gesture. Never anything that most girls experience. And it's still hard to live this way. But all I can do, as I have been, is wait. Wait on God, wait on what He has for me. It's hard, but it isn't impossible. So fellow girls out there, don't worry, you're not alone.
You'd think it's easier thinking that you can't have kids. Perfect excuse to convince myself to not give a rip for guys. But it doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. Sometimes I feel as if though I'm defective or something. I'm already not that attractive to begin with, and I can't even have children. It's hard, it's painful, and it truly doesn't get any better. It's bittersweet going to weddings and baby showers. Sometimes I feel alone, because I've never met anyone like myself. But I know there's others out there, guys and girls.
Above all things, I have faith in my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I pray that one day I can look past my flaws and really be grateful for the life that He has given me. I know someday I'll fully understand why I have to go through all of these hardships that may indeed might not be hardships at all. 'Til next time, ♥ Emmy :)
P.S. This song has truly blessed my life. I hope someone out there can feel better after listening to this too! God bless!
NOOOOOOO!!!! Why, why why why?!?!??! Why did I have to get sick during finals week? Ugh, oh well, it was going to hit me sooner or later.
So today I decided I was going to do two things: 1) buy medication to drug me up so I can feel better sooner, and 2) It's about time to fix and chop my Mufasa (my hair, yes, it has a name too)! So I did that by first going to Target to stock up on DayQuil, NyQuil (which I got carded for, lol!), hand sanitizer, pocket tissues, and Ricolas. I also have Mucinex on hand, if necessary. Oh the joys of sinus infections and swollen glands! :P
Then I headed on over to Ulta, the hair salon. They're having this promo right now where you pay $50 to get your hair cut and either highlighted or "glazed". I've been dying to get rid of the uneven blonde sections of my hair, so I went for a really dark brown glaze. In the light, you can still kinda see a different color in my hair, but for the most part, Mufasa is back to normal!
So, now a little update on my last post. I don't think I'm mad at you anymore, you just proved to me in so many ways how ignorant and inconsiderate you are. And that, folks, is all I have to say about that...
I am praying and hoping I live through this nasty infection and do well in finals. I know for sure I've passed two of my four classes so far, but I'm really only worried about one: financial accounting. My biggest fear in the whole wide world is failure. But I've had the worst experience with that class (worst prof ever). So I've come to terms with myself: if I don't pass this class this time, I'm taking it over the summer. God will help me learn from this.
Ay, this be a challenge! I'm sick and I still have to study for finals! And then there's the whole deal with cooking and cleaning and packing up my stuff for vacation. And my new potential roommate is coming tomorrow! So hopefully tomorrow is a more cheery day!
So excited for the holidays for once in a long time! We're (my family) escaping the "Big Bang" of parties that take place at someone's house (I will be forever grateful to escape that this year! Hahahaha!). And we actually took a Christmas picture this year, and yes, for the first time ever, the Gómez-Toledo bunch are sending them out to people! Haha! As my dad said, "I en Ameriken". Lol, happy holidays!
Hahahaha love Cheryl Cole! She is my new inspiration! Such a classy lady...
Anywho...so if I haven't made it clear yet, this year has been hard for me. Lots of changes, lots of challenges in my life, but God has pulled me through this far. If it wasn't for Him...I can't even imagine how much more hectic my life would be!
But despite my "suffering" this year, the end of the year is showing a glimmer of hope. I'm making decisions now that will affect my future, but I'm still working hard at everything I do. I'm looking forward to being home for a while, before starting the arduous time that is the spring semester! Haha!
So I guess a certain someone I know has broken things off with someone else I know. If you know who I'm talking about (and if you're reading this and figure out that yes, I am talking about YOU), here's what I have to say about it: I...am shocked! Honestly the way things happened was ugly from the start, and there were more important things you should have paid attention to that you clearly ignored. I can't blame you for everything, but you certainly haven't done anything that has improved "the situation".
I don't know how things got this nasty between us (or at least for me). We used to be so close, like sisters almost, but then you went and just blinded yourself in your own fantastical little world where nothing is wrong so long as you see it that way. When are you going to understand that we live in a real, breathing world, that even though it is not perfect, we still live in it? God has said that we are not of this world, but we live in it, and make the best of our time here. If we live in such a sinful world, why not try to make an effort and show Jesus's love to those in need instead of pinpointing everything that is wrong with them?
Why do you always want to win the argument with your weak reasonings? Why do you always want us to feel bad if we disagree with you? Nobody is right all the time, that's God's job, not ours. Why do you feel so comfortable where you are? God has given us the energy to do what's right, and not just talk about it.
You might have it perfect for now, but look at the reap of your harvest. You might think that I'm such a worldly person, but guess what? I read my Bible, I pray everyday, all the time. And another thing before I finish this rant/reality check, I sing for GOD. That's why you never hear me sing in public anywhere else. I don't like to perform, I love to WORSHIP. It doesn't matter if you can sing, are musically talented, or prettier than I am. Here's one thing you need to realize: you can call yourself a Christian, I try my best to live that life.
I have the strangest accent ever, in my opinion. A combination of three influences slip out when I speak (in English, or course). 1) Ghetto (as in Bay Area ghetto, yadadamean?), 2) Salvadoran (there are certain words that I can't pronounce correctly, such as organization; it sounds like I'm saying "organ-isssss-a-shun") and 3) Valley girl (Like totally). But I can't help it! Want to know why?
Well, first of all I like to brag that I come from the Itty Bitty Little City by the water (Vallejo), and I grew up in what I like to call an "urban suburban" community. It rubs off one you, you know? I might have been born in San Francisco (My mom jokes with me and claims that I was born in San Francisco Gotera, El Salvador, but that's not what my birth certificate says! LOL), but the V-town is my home! I might not be the best, but I'm as ghetto as ghetto can come.
If I haven't said it enough, I am 100% Salvadoran. Both of my parents emigrated to the U.S. from El Salvador in the 1980s, and I grew up speaking Spanish first in my own home. I didn't speak fluent English until I was like 6 years old. In kindergarten my teacher was considering to put me in the ESL (English as a Second Language) class, but the ESL teacher said I would be fine. So since I have two languages I fully understand, I sometimes have to stop and think about what I'm about to say, because it can get confusing sometimes. And the accent slips in and out.
And then of course, I am a CALIFORNIA GIRL, so whether I like it or not, I talk like a Valley girl. I say "like" all the time! I annoy myself sometimes, but hey, it comes naturally to me! I use totally a lot, um, and like yeah...hahaha!
So combine those three accents and you get me, Emmy, the ghetto Salvadoran Valley girl, yup!
