You make me beautiful

So today is Valentine's Day. This year, I am twenty years old (dear God) and still pathetically single. But hey, it's okay, I'm learning to accept things the way they are. I'm learning how to value myself and to not put myself down all the time. Trust me, when you've been bullied all your life, it's really hard to do that.

I've come down to the conclusion that while I'm not the ideal girl, I'm also not a total loser. I have some cred to back me up, you know? To this day I'm still a good girl, drug free and get high/drunk naturally! (Yeah, I'm pretty weird sober). I graduated from high school on time, now I'm in college. I have my Christian testimony to uphold. I'm open minded, I'm $ savvy, and heck I'm studyin' business for crying out loud! I don't even curse!

Sure, I'm not the prettiest flower in the bunch. But that doesn't mean I'm a total wallflower. I'm also picky when it comes down to LIKING guys (personal issues, still working on my self esteem). But I know one thing: God made me beautiful!

He makes us all beautiful. He sees the best qualities in us, He loves us for who we are. It's taken me some time, healing, understanding to see that. I've struggled with self image all of my life, but thank God I didn't go to drastic measures, like some people do, to know I was in pain (don't worry, if you feel like hurting yourself to feel better, God still loves you and sees your pain. He's trying to tell you to stop!)

So I'm not the first, second, or third choice. I KNOW guys don't look at me like they do other girls. I NEVER get flowers on any day from any guy as a sweet gesture. Never anything that most girls experience. And it's still hard to live this way. But all I can do, as I have been, is wait. Wait on God, wait on what He has for me. It's hard, but it isn't impossible. So fellow girls out there, don't worry, you're not alone.

You'd think it's easier thinking that you can't have kids. Perfect excuse to convince myself to not give a rip for guys. But it doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. Sometimes I feel as if though I'm defective or something. I'm already not that attractive to begin with, and I can't even have children. It's hard, it's painful, and it truly doesn't get any better. It's bittersweet going to weddings and baby showers. Sometimes I feel alone, because I've never met anyone like myself. But I know there's others out there, guys and girls.

Above all things, I have faith in my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I pray that one day I can look past my flaws and really be grateful for the life that He has given me. I know someday I'll fully understand why I have to go through all of these hardships that may indeed might not be hardships at all. 'Til next time, ♥ Emmy :)

P.S. This song has truly blessed my life. I hope someone out there can feel better after listening to this too! God bless!