For Good

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I feel like I should. Hee hee so specific...

I am so thankful and indebted to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for all the wonderful things that have happened this year. I am also thankful for the hardships I've gone through because I know they'll make me strong. I'm still a work in progress, in this journey that is life, discovering that person God had designed from the very beginning for me to become.

I am so happy and delighted to say that I'm in Spain. It's still such a surreal feeling to think that I'm in Europe. Travelling to Europe is everyone's dream back home, something I didn't think was possible for me until after college and settling down. After three months it still feels like I'm watching someone else live my dream. I am forever grateful to God and to my family for allowing me to be here. Forever grateful.

Having said that, I still have a reasonable amount of guilt for having left my family. Don't get me wrong, I love being here and even though I get homesick I know that I can survive seven-six months more. I have so much travelling and learning left to do! But the primary reason why I think I should go back home is because I feel like my family needs me. My sister is graduating next June and she's already applied for colleges with my cyber help. If I was home I would have been on top of her college apps two months ago. But she did manage to turn them in on time, so all is good. I'm praying she gets into the college of her dreams, the college where God has reserved a special spot for her like He did for me. And then there's gonna be the FAFSA issue in February. We'll see how that goes, hee hee.

I feel like I should be home because I feel responsible for my parents. It's almost scary to feel that way, but it sure is a sign that you're starting to grow up. I've never considered myself a mature kid but I know that things are beginning to change. My parents mean the world to me, and I owe everything that I know about life to them (after God, of course). I hear sadness and tiredness whenever they talk to me. Like sometimes I wish I could be home to help around the house and such.

I do not regret the path I chose, because God guided me towards it. I know that I am meant to be where I am, and to continue living. But I'm still human and I still have a healthy, beating human heart that doubts and questions and wonders. In this case, my heart feels a pull for my family. I want to be the one with all of the answers and all of the solutions to what goes on back home. I know I'm still a child and that I still depend on my parents, but the tables are beginning to turn and they will be completely switched before I know it. I guess this is God's way of showing me what growing up is all about. What love and compassion is all about. When you truly are an adult, you begin to see the importance in others before yourself. You learn about responsibility when your heart reaches out for the care of others.

All I know is that my Lord has never foresaken me or my family and continues to do so. I remain in constant prayer for personal matters at heart, and hope and pray for the best. I have faith that God will respond and that all will be well, even if I cannot define what it is. I just know He has me in His arms, and I'm going to be just fine.

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter and purpose under heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1

You've got every right to a beautiful life ♥

So it's almost the end of the semester, I'm stressed, tired, and busy with school work and studying! But either way, God's pulling me through!

Talked with my Bible prof today, went pretty well, and it looks like I might ace his class! Yay! I have to go talk with my business law prof, because I totally bombed the last midterm :( But I am going to try harder!

So I've really embraced PCOS (kinda don't have another choice, it's the "thorn in my flesh", hee hee!), and I am definitely going to work on my health this summer when I'm less stressed (I definitely have more incentive for changing my lifestyle and diet now). And I've been thinking of doing videos (I was going to do Bible study ones, but I never seemed to have the time, I guess?) for PCOS support! Like tips on diet, exercise, products (natural and paraben free has become important).

I just hope I stick to these changes!

Couldn't be happier, thank goodness!

As corny as it sounds, I really couldn't feel happier! I feel as if though God truly has strengthened me in this past year. I now understand that all of the things I had to go through, all the changes I experienced and observed were purposeful and for the best. I'm thankful that no physical harm was done (and I pray for those who are suffering), but He made me go through some tough times to toughen me up! He never gives us anything we can't handle, which is just so wonderful!

On Friday's youth vigil at church, the preacher said that when you want God to use you, it's not easy and is a very painful process. Something I couldn't agree more with. When I was fifteen, I went on this retreat where the turning point for me was when this girl started praying for me, and everything she said (in a prophetic voice) was true, and was exactly what I was going through. And I remember hearing those words were like feeling knives stabbing me, because it was just so painful and unexplainable. When God changes you, it truly hurts, but He does it to make us stronger. Looking back now, things started to get worse after that retreat in all areas of my life.

I was diagnosed with PCOS after dealing with health issues after four years of not knowing what was wrong with me. I began to learn which people to continue trusting as friends and who had lost my trust and respect. I went through so many other changes in these past five years, but those words I heard always rang loud in my ears. "I cry when you cry, I laugh with you", which made me realize that God was with me through all of it. I've discovered so many new things about life, about myself, about Him.

In the end, what we need to realize is that life truly is a journey. It's a journey about discovering the person God created us to be when we were conceived in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). He also made life complicated in order to not be boring! God bless you all!

Sick of you, so sick of you!

Ugh, another SINUS INFECTION. This is going to be my third sinus infection this winter season. I really need to start taking vitamin supplements and working out again to get my immune system stronger. I'm hoping this will pass by me faster!

On the upside, I've been working hard in school to improve my grades. I'm finally at a place in my life where I feel genuinely happy. I still have issues to deal with, but God has shown me so many great and wonderful things and has introduced me to truly God-fearing people, that I have nothing to complain about. Things are wonderful at home, great relationship with my parents and my sister, and still learning about life. I honestly "couldn't be happier!" (a la Glinda, no less!), and thank God for always being there for me.

That said, I've really been contemplating doing something more productive with my YouTube channel, instead of just random stuff I have on there (www.youtube.com/theemmygomez, btw). I want to start posting some inspirational/motivational vids up there, because I know that like myself, there are plenty of people out there who are in dire need of uplifting, truthful and honest words to keep going. I've learned that it's the little things in life that really can make us or break us, but ultimately, the decision is ours. God gave us a spirit of authority over ourselves, but not many of us know how to exercise that power (others abuse that power, of course). We need to learn in Jesus how to be strong, independent, and confident.

So I hope to be able to upload some good stuff for y'all! God's placed the first message in my heart: humility. My first topic will be humility, something so dear to me. Of course, I want to wait out this nasty sinus infection so that my voice will be audible instead of hearing a nasaly Bible message! LOL well I will keep you informed! Till next time, Love Emmy!

You make me beautiful

So today is Valentine's Day. This year, I am twenty years old (dear God) and still pathetically single. But hey, it's okay, I'm learning to accept things the way they are. I'm learning how to value myself and to not put myself down all the time. Trust me, when you've been bullied all your life, it's really hard to do that.

I've come down to the conclusion that while I'm not the ideal girl, I'm also not a total loser. I have some cred to back me up, you know? To this day I'm still a good girl, drug free and get high/drunk naturally! (Yeah, I'm pretty weird sober). I graduated from high school on time, now I'm in college. I have my Christian testimony to uphold. I'm open minded, I'm $ savvy, and heck I'm studyin' business for crying out loud! I don't even curse!

Sure, I'm not the prettiest flower in the bunch. But that doesn't mean I'm a total wallflower. I'm also picky when it comes down to LIKING guys (personal issues, still working on my self esteem). But I know one thing: God made me beautiful!

He makes us all beautiful. He sees the best qualities in us, He loves us for who we are. It's taken me some time, healing, understanding to see that. I've struggled with self image all of my life, but thank God I didn't go to drastic measures, like some people do, to know I was in pain (don't worry, if you feel like hurting yourself to feel better, God still loves you and sees your pain. He's trying to tell you to stop!)

So I'm not the first, second, or third choice. I KNOW guys don't look at me like they do other girls. I NEVER get flowers on any day from any guy as a sweet gesture. Never anything that most girls experience. And it's still hard to live this way. But all I can do, as I have been, is wait. Wait on God, wait on what He has for me. It's hard, but it isn't impossible. So fellow girls out there, don't worry, you're not alone.

You'd think it's easier thinking that you can't have kids. Perfect excuse to convince myself to not give a rip for guys. But it doesn't make it easier, it makes it harder. Sometimes I feel as if though I'm defective or something. I'm already not that attractive to begin with, and I can't even have children. It's hard, it's painful, and it truly doesn't get any better. It's bittersweet going to weddings and baby showers. Sometimes I feel alone, because I've never met anyone like myself. But I know there's others out there, guys and girls.

Above all things, I have faith in my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. I pray that one day I can look past my flaws and really be grateful for the life that He has given me. I know someday I'll fully understand why I have to go through all of these hardships that may indeed might not be hardships at all. 'Til next time, ♥ Emmy :)

P.S. This song has truly blessed my life. I hope someone out there can feel better after listening to this too! God bless!