Normally when I'm stressed out, I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I can't find solace anywhere. The only reason why I don't completely give up is because my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If it weren't for Him in my life, I don't even know what would have become of me.
Well lately, during what is normally my menstruation cycle, I got a brand new symptom: ANGER. For two days straight I'd get really angry at just about everything and everybody. It was such an ugly and uncomfortable feeling to carry. I just thank God that that's lessened and hasn't gotten me into any kind of trouble. Sometimes not having total control of your emotions is scary. I don't know how I've been able to control my ability to cry all of these years when all this time I was headed towards a path of emotional instability.
So today, after finishing up the worst of my mood swings, my body decides to do two things to my mind: 1) Start eating unhealthy food again and 2) Not only feel bad about having done so, but feel bad about myself all together. I think two things have triggered them, thinking about it now: 1) Struggling to pass my classes this year, and still waiting on two classes to see whether or not I passed and 2) Trying to go shopping and seeing that NOTHING fits, not even shoes. I just give up for now.
Tonight there is a going away party for one of my friends and everyone's getting dressed up but I am in no mood or disposition to do so. I have two cysts, one on my neck and one potentially on my right bottom lid (close to where the first one had been). I can't really wear makeup without irritating my eye and contaminating my makeup. I feel like a big fat and ugly troll right now, and it's such an icky feeling.
I feel lonely and tired and sad. I HATE IT. I really do. I know that God's given me the authority to pull myself together and take on the world with the best attitude. But I feel as if though I've sunken into a murky muddy pit and it's really difficult to make my way out. I feel like such a failure, which is like my biggest fear.
God, I know that you are with me and that there is nothing You allow that You know I can't handle, and I take on everything you put in me path. Having this thorn in my flesh, my PCOS, makes things a little difficult sometimes, but I accepted that too. I don't ask anything from You because You have been more than good to me and my family. I mainly ask for forgiveness for being weak and letting You down with this bitter attitude of mine. You know me more than I know myself, and I trust You to pull me through, even when it looks like this tunnel has no end to it. Forgive me, Lord, and help me through this. Amen.
Well lately, during what is normally my menstruation cycle, I got a brand new symptom: ANGER. For two days straight I'd get really angry at just about everything and everybody. It was such an ugly and uncomfortable feeling to carry. I just thank God that that's lessened and hasn't gotten me into any kind of trouble. Sometimes not having total control of your emotions is scary. I don't know how I've been able to control my ability to cry all of these years when all this time I was headed towards a path of emotional instability.
So today, after finishing up the worst of my mood swings, my body decides to do two things to my mind: 1) Start eating unhealthy food again and 2) Not only feel bad about having done so, but feel bad about myself all together. I think two things have triggered them, thinking about it now: 1) Struggling to pass my classes this year, and still waiting on two classes to see whether or not I passed and 2) Trying to go shopping and seeing that NOTHING fits, not even shoes. I just give up for now.
Tonight there is a going away party for one of my friends and everyone's getting dressed up but I am in no mood or disposition to do so. I have two cysts, one on my neck and one potentially on my right bottom lid (close to where the first one had been). I can't really wear makeup without irritating my eye and contaminating my makeup. I feel like a big fat and ugly troll right now, and it's such an icky feeling.
I feel lonely and tired and sad. I HATE IT. I really do. I know that God's given me the authority to pull myself together and take on the world with the best attitude. But I feel as if though I've sunken into a murky muddy pit and it's really difficult to make my way out. I feel like such a failure, which is like my biggest fear.
God, I know that you are with me and that there is nothing You allow that You know I can't handle, and I take on everything you put in me path. Having this thorn in my flesh, my PCOS, makes things a little difficult sometimes, but I accepted that too. I don't ask anything from You because You have been more than good to me and my family. I mainly ask for forgiveness for being weak and letting You down with this bitter attitude of mine. You know me more than I know myself, and I trust You to pull me through, even when it looks like this tunnel has no end to it. Forgive me, Lord, and help me through this. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment