For Good

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I feel like I should. Hee hee so specific...

I am so thankful and indebted to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for all the wonderful things that have happened this year. I am also thankful for the hardships I've gone through because I know they'll make me strong. I'm still a work in progress, in this journey that is life, discovering that person God had designed from the very beginning for me to become.

I am so happy and delighted to say that I'm in Spain. It's still such a surreal feeling to think that I'm in Europe. Travelling to Europe is everyone's dream back home, something I didn't think was possible for me until after college and settling down. After three months it still feels like I'm watching someone else live my dream. I am forever grateful to God and to my family for allowing me to be here. Forever grateful.

Having said that, I still have a reasonable amount of guilt for having left my family. Don't get me wrong, I love being here and even though I get homesick I know that I can survive seven-six months more. I have so much travelling and learning left to do! But the primary reason why I think I should go back home is because I feel like my family needs me. My sister is graduating next June and she's already applied for colleges with my cyber help. If I was home I would have been on top of her college apps two months ago. But she did manage to turn them in on time, so all is good. I'm praying she gets into the college of her dreams, the college where God has reserved a special spot for her like He did for me. And then there's gonna be the FAFSA issue in February. We'll see how that goes, hee hee.

I feel like I should be home because I feel responsible for my parents. It's almost scary to feel that way, but it sure is a sign that you're starting to grow up. I've never considered myself a mature kid but I know that things are beginning to change. My parents mean the world to me, and I owe everything that I know about life to them (after God, of course). I hear sadness and tiredness whenever they talk to me. Like sometimes I wish I could be home to help around the house and such.

I do not regret the path I chose, because God guided me towards it. I know that I am meant to be where I am, and to continue living. But I'm still human and I still have a healthy, beating human heart that doubts and questions and wonders. In this case, my heart feels a pull for my family. I want to be the one with all of the answers and all of the solutions to what goes on back home. I know I'm still a child and that I still depend on my parents, but the tables are beginning to turn and they will be completely switched before I know it. I guess this is God's way of showing me what growing up is all about. What love and compassion is all about. When you truly are an adult, you begin to see the importance in others before yourself. You learn about responsibility when your heart reaches out for the care of others.

All I know is that my Lord has never foresaken me or my family and continues to do so. I remain in constant prayer for personal matters at heart, and hope and pray for the best. I have faith that God will respond and that all will be well, even if I cannot define what it is. I just know He has me in His arms, and I'm going to be just fine.

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter and purpose under heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1